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In many ways, hiring a relationship coach is much like going to a family therapist. Both are experts in the understanding of human relationships and can help individuals move toward a happier, more productive life. At the same time, there are also differences between therapists and relationship coaches. These are the differences that are the most relevant to most people in most cases:
1) Coaches focus on building relationships.
Research has shown repeatedly that the single-most important factor in the 'therapeutic process' is the closeness of the relationship between the client and the therapist. It doesn't matter what particular techniques are used during a session, only that the client experiences an authentic sense of connection. The problem is that therapists are taught that self-disclosure is a bad thing and that only the client should talk about themselves. I have therapist friends of mine who won't even answer a simple personal question like "do you have any children?" or "where did you go to graduate school?" Unfortunately, this level of aloofness on the therapists part makes it difficult for many clients to feel very connected.
Coaching is based on developing a sense of connection and being able to have good, healthy interpersonal communication between the coach and the client. Since developing a healthy sense of self hinges upon establishing healthy relationships, coaches do not withdraw from allowing this natural connection to take place. In fact, it is encouraged.
2) Coaches don't treat 'diseases' of the mind.
Clinical psychology, as well as most other forms of therapy, are based on the 'disease model' of the mind as is laid out in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-IV). In other words, if you meet enough criteria from a list of diagnoses, then you are labeled as being "depressed" or "anxious" or "Attention Deficit." There are a couple of problems with this approach. The first problem is that these labels are defined rather arbitrarily and usually just reflect how well someone fits into the roles assigned to them by society. For example, in the second edition of the DSM, homosexuality was listed as a mental disorder. In the third edition of the DSM, it was not listed as a mental disorder. What changed? The social acceptance of homosexuality changed so that it was no longer seen as a mental illness. Attention-Deficit Disorder (ADD) is a more recent example of the same phenomenon. The second problem is that when emphasis is placed on deficits, weaknesses, or 'disorders', there is less emphasis on strengths, aptitudes, and potential.
Coaches are less interested in trying to diagnose you with a label, and more interested in working with you to help you problem solve your current difficulties.
3) Coaches focus on maximizing potential.
Therapists typically work with people who are disabled in some way from emotional or mental challenges. Their focus tends to be on helping clients achieve a baseline of functioning in their life—to dig themselves out of a hole, so to speak.
Coaches focus their work on people who are already functional and successful in many aspects of their life, but who are struggling with something that they want to improve. Therefore, coaching focuses more on achieving a maximal potential, rather than just getting well enough to get by. By maximizing the quality of your relationships, for example, you are able to dramatically improve your quality of life.
4) Coaches are more action-oriented than most therapists.
With few exceptions, there is little homework in therapy. The focus is more on the client divulging information to the therapist, and the therapist giving the client their thoughts on it. Not so with coaching.
Coaches understand that action is the mother of change and that without daily, purposeful action, it is very difficult to bring about meaningful, long-lasting improvement in life. Self-knowledge, in most cases, is insufficient to bring about a transformation unless it is coupled with daily practice.
There are other differences between coaches and therapists as well, but these are the biggies. I do not want to imply that therapy is bad. It is not. It is a tool that works well in some circumstances. Unfortunately, therapy typically is not the best tool for the average person to use to improve their quality of life. This is where coaching really can shine.
If you are interested in improving the quality of your interpersonal relationships, whether at home or at work, then the Relationships 2.0 Coaching Program may be for you. For more details, click on the link below.
The Relationships 2.0 Coaching Program
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